Phillies Challenge

All summer long my sister has been trying to persuade Greg to participate in an eating contest.

Ok, persuade isn’t an accurate description because she had him at eating contest. Much like Tom Cruise had Renee Zellweger at hello.  The problem was finding a weekend that worked with a game that worked.  You see, this eating competition known as the Phillies Challenge required them to eat a hot dog and drink a beer each inning of the game.  The last remaining contestant would be crowned World Phucking Champion.  My sister claims she’s never busy but is always busy and Greg can’t make it thru a 7:05pm game which created quite a problem for this event.

Enter September 2nd– a holiday weekend with a 5:05pm Phillies game.  The challenge was issued and I was sent to the store.

Why was I sent to the store?  Because I was appointed commissioner of these games.  I got to set the rules and issue the slaps.

Ok, no slaps because this wasn’t a slap bet and I’m not Lily from HIMYM but I was the Phillies Challenge Commissioner.

First thing I did as commissioner was invite people over to watch this event take place.  Second thing I did was make a trophy because all good sporting events require a trophy.

After striking out at the thrift store for a trophy ideas, I journeyed to Michael’s.  Entering the store, they had an 80 percent off pile with ceramic numbers on the shelf.  There was a number nine! It was even in my price range at $1.80. Bingo!

Fifteen minutes with a few sharpies and we had our trophy.



As commissioner, I was in charge of organizing the event.  First thing up was a scoreboard.

Then making some hot dogs.  We smoked the first eight hot dogs which were a huge hit with Greg, Laura, and Hazel.  After that we relied upon grilling and microwaving.

I’m not going to get into the details of eating portion.  My sister will handle that in her post.  I can give you a sneak peak of how it will go:

I like to eat but it makes me fat.  So I workout about bajillion hours today day.  Oh and I love the guy from White Collar.  Did I mention that I love to eat.  If I could eat off the guy from White Collar it would be wonderful.  Ooops I just ate a jar of peanut butter while watching eight hours of White Collar.  The hot dog contest did not have the guy from White Collar but it did have hot dogs.  I love food.  I need to work out because I got fat.  

Let’s review the progression of this event.

Inning 1 with a fist bump

Inning 2 and feeling fine.

Inning three and the last of the smoked hot dogs.

Inning 4 and microwaved hot dog because Hazel swiped the smoked dogs.

Inning 5 and half way thru.

Laura needed a cupcake break

Inning 6 in the rain.

Hulking it up during inning 7.

Yep at this point Greg cut himself opening a can of beer.

Inning 8 and everything has finally caught up with them.

Last inning.

Surprisingly, they both made it through the main event.  Since we couldn’t have a tie, a tiebreaker was needed.  We had decided on a tiebreaker before competition started– a speed eating contest.  Whoever could eat a hot dog the fastest was crowned World Phucking Champion.

Yeah, since Hazel got a few hot dogs accidentially we ran out of hot dog rolls.  New rule for next year– don’t let the participant handle the hot dogs after the third inning.  They kept passing them right above the dog’s head which resulted in a lost hot dog.

Laura gave up halfway thru and Greg was crowned champion.  After which he promptly passed out in a food/beer coma on the floor clutching his trophy.

Hazel was mad she didn’t win.

The final stats:

  • Laura- 9.5 hot dogs, one cupcake, 9 beers, +6 pound weight gain
  • Greg- 10 hot dogs, a bunch of salsa, 9 beers, +4 pound weight gain
  • Hazel- 4 hot dogs, 2 cups of dog food, a napkin, a stick, and some veggies.


4 thoughts on “Phillies Challenge

  1. everything about this post is spot on….except for the fact I ate two additional cupcakes after the challenge finished!

    also, your sneak peak of my post is 110% accurate

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